Two months gone already :)

God saw you getting tired

and a cure was not to be.

So he put his arms around you 

and whispered, "Come to Me".

With tearful eyes we watched you 

and saw you pass away.

And although we love you dearly,

we could not make you stay

A golden heart stopped beating,

hard working hands at rest.

God broke our hearts to prove to us,

He only takes the best.

Is been two months since dad passed away.  I find myself thinking a bit about how losing him has affected my life in good and bad ways.  

The good being my continuing in the field of academia, doing something I love each and every day and learning to live life to its fullest at all times.

The bad being I find myself detaching from people I love because I think it may be easier if I lose them as well. I avoid looking at photographs or listening to songs that spark certain memories because I only get angry or sad.  I often feel cheated and lonely so I try to fill the void with things that may not be good for me in the end. 

Re-reading the good and bad sound a bit contradicting, don't they?  My thoughts usually are, actually. 

I have tried so hard to keep moving forward, to make everyone proud, to find my inner smile and keep it bright but many a times, when I stop, I realize that I am filled with a ton of pain. Pain that has been hidden. 

Folks, I keep my mind and body busy.  I work hard and play hard. But at the end of the day, it's all done to try and keep the pain that is in my heart at bay. I cannot face it right now. The truth is, two months later, I still don't know how to cope with the loss of Daddy.  And the question is, will I ever know how?

Dad, Walking in the old neighborhood of Zaxo only gives me a relieve
knowing that this is where you grew up and played when you were a child. 

Dear Daddy, 

I picture you singing this song to me on a daily basis, 

Knowing that I am who I am because of you and Mom, I will be okay and dealing with your loss

will get easier.

All my love,

Helina’Min